Friday, July 20, 2007
Till now, he hasn't called. 3 days since our last arguement. The last time we spoke, he hung up on me and I gave him more than 10 missed calls on his handphone and house phone. And nope he isn't asleep. Till now... No news of him. And I do not wanna call him either cos I'm following my heart. Last time such cases, my heart tells me to call him and I did. But now, I wanna bare with it till he looks up for me first. I can't always be the one giving in first even though he was the one who made me angry first right?? My collegue says he is still childish and I have to have an open heart to give in and forgive him. Jess says he is childish. Flo says he isn't a gentlemen cos he is so petty. And all of them said something in common, he is taking me for granted. I so totally agree cos their bf never did such things to them. Rather, their bf calls them tilll they picks up the phone and I think back... Andre... He'll either call 1 or 2 times and if I don't answer, he stops. Otherwise, like now, not a single call. He thinks thats a man's pride but not realising that he holds his 'face' so high above his head. And I'm serious... That's not a man's pride... Its merely wanting face. Last time, my Andre doesn't do all this to me. He'll look for me at my house and sincerely apologise. Now, he'll say he doesn't want to pamper me doing all that but truth is, he isn't anxious bout me anymore and just pure lazy. Within me, everytime when I expect something of him like he'll look for me or anything, (immediately when I have this feeling within me, thats it.) I will only face great disappointment at the end of the day and I do not know why... I think about the time when out of impulsive, I slapped him and he not only did not take into heart, he consoled me... Another time, I forced him to go home with me and leave his friends, he also did not take into heart and consoled me further when I was still angry with him when he just leave me and went with his friends. On all this account, I try giving in and forgive him... Because I am always taking things he done worng in heart and thats why I often get so angry with him even over the little things. But that was last time. It's always so difficult to trash things out with him cos he always finds that I am nagging at him. Be it I talk to him in a nice manner or scolds him, I tried all ways to try trashing things out with him... He just wouldn't wanna listen. This time he is being too much. And my guess he'll say he wants to let me cool down thats why he is not calling. The truth is that I've told him MANY MANY times that being this way would only cause things to get worst. Is not as if I never told him so why till now he is still being this way towards me?? I'd prefer him to solve situations fast before things gets worst. So many times I would be the one waiting for his calls and when I couldn't stand waiting, I'll call and later find out that he is either out with his friends or breaking. I would be herat broken then. I'll feel less important in him cos he isn't anxious about how I feel at all... He is selfish... He is always the one who wants me to understand him... And I ask myself, why do I have to constantly think for him when he isn't anxious about how I feel... (I do not feel like typing further...) Will be updated soon... When I get back myself. Till now, nothing from him...
