Currently, Andre and I are having a DAMN complicated realationship. WhY? Cos... both of us are holding back our love for each other way too much. Is like, he is doing and saying things that is mis leading me. We've been working together for 5 days last week and during that period of time, many things happened. Some good, some bad and even some Thrilling ones... We had conversations that just makes me feel good at times and shitty too. Example, he can tell me, ''is not I don't love you, just wait... I just want to see you change'' At first I was like telling myself that maybe I would change but then again, its about my attitude again and simple logic that I am sure everyone (except Andre) knows that: If you don't piss or offend people, people won't get angry or show you attitude for nothing right? Same thing that goes for me. If he doesn't do or says things that piss me, for what I show him my attitude when all I can't wait to do is to pamper and shower him with loads of my love and care!! But then again, I told him off, ''why should you even bother bout whether I'm angry with you or not?'' cos we have broken up. Other then holding hands and kissing, we are as per normal. We could still argue with each other and stuff like that. But I simply don't like the fact that he is treating me for nothing cos he is unable to treat me as his friend nor 'not yet' a girlfriend and it just feels shitty. Yesterday went to school with him and then we decided to meet at 'Peninsula' to kinda shop for stuff. I never been there before so I walked around while waiting for him cos I was there first. I called him to let him know I've reached and continued walking looking for the particular store I wanted to go. Minutes later, he called and asked where I was. I just told him I couldn't find the shop and guess what? He shouted and scolded me over the phone! ''YOU'RE AT THE WRONG PLACE LA!! WHY YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO CALL ME TO ASK??!!'' and he hang up immediately. Suddenly form my back he actually shouted ''JANICE CHUA!!'' and please... the way he shouted my name was damn rude and angry. I had teary eyes and just said ''you need not shout and scold me''... He angrily said this to me ''when times you need my help and call, you don't call, times you don't need to call, you call'' and I just told him I didn't want to bother him too much cos I was really afraid he might find me irritating to keep calling. And you see, there I go again, showing my attitude... Just tell me people, how not to show him my attitude?? We have broken up and yet he still shouts and scold me as and when he please. And I bet that he doesn't shouts or scolds his friends this way. So I'm he doesn't treats me as his friend nor girlfriend, Thats why I feel shitty!! Then later when he cool down, he apologise. What the hell la... Today I went Art Friend with Fairul to get materials and I called him to ask about my 'lino cutter'... At first was fine... then comes in the ''FUCK!!!''... at first I thought what happened so I asked what happened. ''FUCK LA!!! YOU REALLY CALL AT THE WRONG TIME FUCK!! I JUST BOUGHT THE STUD AND BALL DROP!! FUCK!''... I immediately said sorry and hang up... Immediately I controlled my tears but was teary in my eyes... He called twice and I didn't want to answer... Then he sms ''what you want to ask!!! now I am calling you... answer'' then the third call came in immediately after that... I answered and he shouted again and I shouted back, ''YOUR STUD DROP I PAY YOU BACK LA!! EVERYTIME I CALL YOU ALWAYS SAY I CALL AT THE WRONG TIME THATS WHY I DIDN'T DARE TO KEEP CALLING YOU AND YOU BLOODY HELL HELL TELL ME I COULD CALL YOU WHENEVER I REALLY NEEDED HELP AND NOW YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT!! I KNOW I AM NOTHING TO YOU!!'' I hung up and this time I couldn't control anymore... I went to the back of the shop and cried... Shortly after that, he sms me, ''Fuck you!!''... I can't be bothered after that... Feeling damn piss and broken, Fairul brought me to have a drink for free and I was feeling better. Soon after that, Andre sms me again and apologise to me saying he was sorry for losing his temper at me... I felt so hurt I cried the second time... DAMN! Why I keep crying ah?? I didn't whether or not to reply and also didn't know what to reply so I just left it... I tried telling myslef at least he apologised... But please la... Who does he treat me for?? Taking out his fustration and anger on me and later on apologising... I hate the feeling... At least if he could treat me as his friend, I wouldn't feel that bad when he apologise. But the problem is I not treated his friend nor girlfriend!! And it simply feels FUCKED UP! Get what I mean... And guess what la... I even bought him cookies for his breakfast tomorrow before all this shit happened... He simply doesn't knows how to appreciate me at all... And I know... But it's just me in the end that I choose to be like this... I'm just waiting for the day where my feelings gets tired of all this and forgets him, I won't be this way anymore... No matter how many people have told me to just leave him alone so that he'll feel the lost, I just can't do it... Not when I still love him... I'll wait till the day comes... When I love him no more...

Never wanted to bother much about this blog I had again but just as when I thought I was going through all this shit so far so good, as in I'm moving on with my life well then I never really much brood over all this unhappy stuff. Guess what... Did something damn stupid that I don't even wanna say it that I got myself DAMN hurt and feeling very fucked up. Who to blame? Non other than me cos I ADMIT I AM STUPID! TO THE MAX! What can I say... I missed him. And was like asked the same question twice today of whether still loving him. And hey... that never came across my mind since from like last week and this question still lingers within my thoughts till now. Do I still love him? Answer couldn't be 'no' or a 'yes'. Why not a 'yes'? Cos I feel I am moving on... Just that sometimes yes I do miss him... But everything was fine till like yesterday?
Especially today... Gees... what have I done to get myself into all this shit again... Janice!!! WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!!!

~*~*~.::.SHOUT OUTS ANYONE??.::.~*~*~