Saturday, September 8, 2007
These days, not much has changed. Still have been crying especially after a recent fight again. Told myself... I can't be with such a violent person not anymore. So many times I couldn't take it anymore. And I really don't want all this anymore... Why is the feeling of 'Love' so strong and down to earth within me?? I always tell my friends and myself, ''The Greatest Thing About Love Is Forgiving''. Have I been too forgiving?? Why is he still not changing? I've got my heart broken so many times by him so why am I still not learning? Too many questions for myself and I have no answers to it is just because I love him too much? His birthday is next week and many times I had thoughts of just ignoring it to make him feel lost or something like that. But I know how its like to feel disappointed and I just want him to be happy... But I didn't know wanting him to be happy would be sacrificing mine... Yesterday I was looking through his photos. Saw pictures I never would want to look at. I was angry but mostly hurt and felt betrayed... I trusted him to go have fun and clubbing all... While I, waiting for his call and sms worrying for him whether he is home safely till to the late morning... And all I got back was being called a controller of him and all those disgusting pictures. Andre asked me, why do I always say bad things about him to his friends and my friends? Maybe I was too much and realised myself that I shouldn't be this way. He is the man I love not anyone I hate or dislike. Thinking back all the things I did a month ago when he broke up with me, I did too much and all he did was brush me away and reject me all the way. Weeks ago he came back doing nothing at all to get me back and I went back to him like that. I'm not a difficult person to please at all. I didn't want to rub into it its just that the way he has been treating me I feel I'm too nice and taken advantage of. I kept asking him, ''Can you please treat me better?''... A BIG SIGH... I've got a plan for his birthday... Should I proceed??... Just when will I really stand strong to walk away from him once and for all letting him realise everything on his own instead of me reminding him all the time that he feels I am annoying. When will I stop loving him....
